Tuesday, July 9

do dreams come true? because if so i only hope like half of mine does.

i think everyone has one distinct thing they remember from college and/or school.
which is embarrassing to say since i spent like 30K on a religious studies major which, albeit very interesting, isn't really doing much for me right now.  and while i can talk martin luther (of the reformation), the bible, and spout off interesting, non-necessary bits of information about the early roman empire's impact on the evolution of christianity with the best of them it's not even the close to the one tidbit of information i remember from college.
p.s. i'm sure all your minds are blown knowing that i was a religious studies major.  WHATEVER.

let's journey back to my freshman year of college.
this will date me and you will all think i'm some sort of decrepit old weirdo - but it was circa 2003/2004, woof, and it was my intro to psych class with my professor, bridget.  because you know - i went to one of those super hip colleges where we all called our professors by their first names.
but i digress.  we were learning all about sleep cycles, and REM, and dreams when one kids was all "yo bridget i don't ever dream."  to  which bridget replied with "yes you do.  you dream every, single night.  it's just a matter of whether you remember your dreams or not."
and that, my friends, is the one thing that has stuck with the most from my college years.
if that doesn't say "that was a waste of four years and thirty thousand dollars" then i don't know what does.

at this point you're probably wondering what on earth is even the point.
the point, kids, is that i never remember my dreams.  like ever.
but then, on the off chance that i do, they're typically the most insane dreams.
case in point: monday night's dream.
so buckle up kids because it's semi-ridiculous and i won't blame you if you never come back here again.

for those of you who don't know - shitler and i are getting married.  after like thirteen long, long years together we're actually making the move towards not living in sin or whatever.  
so this sets the scene for my dream.  we're married and somehow shitler is some large car wash tycoon (which isn't surprising because he bought one IRL like three months ago) and we're just shutting shit down - financially.
shitler and i are living in some sort of frank llyod wright-esque house and have not a care in the world.  until our relationship makes a left-hand turn down tumultuous lane.  as in - shitler starts beating the ever-living shit out of me.  and in my dream, no matter who i tell, no one will believe me.  and it's frustrating because i'm no j.lo a la "enough" because i'm just too lazy for that and mainly i just want to stop getting hit.  so i finally manage to muster up the courage/energy to leave and i'm frantically packing my shit into my fancy jaguar and praying for a clean get-a-way because shitler is off being a carwash mogul, when instead he SURPRISE comes home in the middle of the business day.  now seeing what i'm up to he's clearly not happy and immediately thwarts my efforts to leave.  my dream ends with him whispering in my ear in a very menacing tone "i'll never let you leave me" and then he forces me to *cough* service him *cough.cough.*

i think what makes the entire dream is that i couldn't even make it through telling shitler about the dream without lol'ing all over the place.  and when i finally did manage to get it out he just patted me on the head and said "that's exactly what our future is going to be."

p.s. please don't think for a second that i take anything abuse-related lightly.  because i don't.
p.p.s. we actually do love each other.  despite what it looks like.

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  1. wait, you went to college?

    sell out.

  2. hahahah. first of all....that dream. I have dreams like that all the time and I'm not even dating anyone!!

    second...we're like the same age so yeah there's that.

    the most interesting part of this post is what you went to school for. :)

  3. mine would've had the same reaction. his abuse is usually ass slapping- in very public places

  4. You can service me after you're *cough cough* done with Shitler ;)

    Ps. My iPhone automatically capitalized Shitler. And it did it again. Be proud.

  5. so for starters, you and i are the same age, so i don't think you're a weirdo old person, or whatever.

    and secondly, my bf would respond exactly the same way shitler did. or he would say something along the lines of "that's what actually happened last night, that wasn't a dream" or something equally ridiculous/hilarious.

  6. LOL my husband would have reacted the same way if I told him I had a dream like that!

  7. i think the best thing you can do is start beating him, before he can do it to you.

  8. Most importantly, you own a car wash?!? HIRE ME.

  9. i'll save you baby girl.

  10. I thought you were, like, into that stuff a la Rihanna & Chris Brown? No? My bad..

  11. Nightmare? That sounds like a good dream to me.

    This happens to me a lot...I had a super weird one last night and now it's gone. I hate that.

  12. That is THE most insane shit I have ever heard, and I love every second of it.
    PS. I am obsessed with the fact that Shitler owns a car wash. I am going to steal him from you, dream beatings and all.

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