Thursday, July 25

maybe do the opposite of what blu cantrell tells you to do

confession: illegally downloading music makes me anxious because i'm convinced i'm going to be the person that metallica decides to make another example of and then i'll be fucked.  so naturally i spend way too much money on itunes.  just ask shitler because i think if he could punch me in the face for how much money i spend on music and get it away with it/"teach me a lesson" he would.

but the point is that paying $1.29 per song is sometimes a little rich for this poor bitch's budget so naturally when i sometimes stumble on the .69 cent sale section i get a little turned on and start frantically downloading every song i've ever heard and like semi-liked.  enter blu cantrell's "hit 'em up style" to which i frantically started getting teeny-bopper excited about and chanting "this is MY JAM."  but after actually listening to it like thirty-seven times i was a heap of teary-eyed giggles because that shit is terrible and it's no wonder 16-year-old-shannon loved it.

some thoughts on the obviously insightful lyrics:

"i was beamin' in his beamer just beamin'"
in the event that i ever get an actual beamer i must constantly be "beamin'"

"and on the way i grabbed soley and mia"
who actually names their kid "soley."  i would automatically not be friends with her.  on principle.

"i was coming down the hill and just draggin'"
ok dragging because you're depressed he's cheating or drag racing?  please clarify.

"and i paid all the bills about a month too late"
that seems excessive.  was you name also on the bills?  won't that affect your credit?

"when you go then everything goes from the crib to the ride to the clothes"
please see above.  is everything gone because you were a month behind on the bills and you got evicted and your shit re-possessed?

"all of the things i sold will take you till you until you get old to get 'em back without me"
was your man a hoarder?  because that's a lot of shit to sell if it will take him that long to get it back.

"when your man wanna get buckwild just go back and hit 'em up style"
what is hit 'em up style?  like is that calling him?  is buckwild code for cheating?

"get your hands on his cash and spend it to the last dime"wait - does this mean stealing?  do you just take the last $20 left in his wallet or clear out his accounts?

don't let that face you fool you.  that bitch is crazy and will f your shit up should you cheat on her.

so ya - blu cantrell - not your finest moment.  mainly because it's confusing and looks like a lot of work and some of it (should you provide some clarification) is, i think, frowned upon by the law.

p.s. some drunk fool nominated this shit for a grammy.  i hope said fool was fired.
p.p.s. blu was the chick singing the national anthem in "drum roll."  so you're welcome because i know you want to watch it now.
p.p.p.s. apparently her mom used to make her blue birthday cakes since that was her favorite color (FYI her real name is tiffany).  how original.  my favorite color is green (in case any of you care) so maybe we should think of a new name for me related to that fun fact.
p.p.p.p.s. i was googling pictures of blu and for whatever reason a picture of jesus at the time of the crucifixion popped up entitled "the last temptation of christ."  you figure it out.
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  1. Green huh? How about we call you Jade? Sounds exotic and shit. I hate my former self for loving this song.

  2. I still love this song. Interpretation be damned.

  3. Once again I'm looking like a fool laughing at my desk because of you.

  4. Shan, meet Spotify. Spotify, meet shan.
    $10/month. Unlimited. No downloading. Done deal.

  5. Love this.. had me laughing the whole post!

  6. great post, as ush. you're so witty.

  7. HER NAME IS NOT TIFFANY. That's it. I am now Blu.

  8. Nooooo Blu was my idol! Well, she may have been. I can't really remember that long ago. Anyway, I'm off to find my husband's money so I can spend it to the last dime.

  9. All you have done is give me 12 more reasons to love this song.
    Your new Green themed nickname is Mossy Balls.
    PS. Green is also my fave, let's get married.

  10. Ha ha! I used to love this song too

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