Thursday, August 29

i'm here. and i'm inappropriate.

hi friends.
what's the good word?

but anyway.  the other day i was thinking about how much i hate working at the restaurant and how mostly it made me hate myself more than i normally did on a daily basis.  but then i also started thinking about how the restaurant is the place (besides in the home) where i'm most comfortable being my highly inappropriate self and have it be accepted by actual other human beings.

so here is the first installment of "shit you hear in a restaurant kitchen."

from me: "SON OF A BITCH.  diego? jose? miguel?  which one of you keeps putting canned goods in my purse?"

from suddenly scott: "when people look at me they think sunshine! handsome! pina colada!  i just picked up my shirt from martinizing - i don't even need to pop my collar."

from me: "i'm going to cut the dick off the next person that takes my food."

from me: "is the new busser eighteen?  i don't feel like censoring myself but i also don't feel like going to jail."

from me: "quit acting like you don't like getting elephant trunked."

from blake the busser: "i swear to god if i have to be in the dish pit one more time i'm going to masturbate."

from me: "what do i need to do to get sent home?  if i shit my pants will that do the trick?"

whispered in my ear from diego the line cook: "i'm going to eat your ass raw."
my response: "like eat it till it's raw?  or like raw in the opposite of being cooked?  which, either way, i don't get it.
you should work on your english."

and sometimes people just hang their bras up.

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  1. I used to say I was going to fake a seizure so I could go home. No one questions a seizure.

  2. Haha this is awesome! I miss working somewhere I didnt have to censor myself!

  3. Working in restaurants is great for this exact reason, you sure as shit can do any of this in the boring stuffy corporate world.

  4. I have felt the same way about some of my best jobs- I hated them, but they were where I could be my totally inappropriate self most of the time. My current job is stuffy and in an office/ EEO type environment, so long gone are the days of fun employment. I sometimes miss the shitty jobs I have had.

  5. hahaha I hate to even ask this...but what is elephant trunked? I can only imagine!

  6. I second Nikki.... elephant trunked? I'm concerned...

  7. Ha. Hahahaha. I miss restaurant employment for this reason and only this reason. Well and the stripper-esque supply of $1s

  8. I would like to meet Blake the Busser.

    1. he was definitely one of my favorites. mainly because of his masturbation talk.

  9. I can't even handle this right now...there are so many things...and fucking's like real life 'waiting'

  10. one of the cooks at my last job used to love hiding pepperoni slices in our wallets. grosser yet the manager would eat them when found. I would very much enjoy working with you me thinks

  11. Haha this just made me miss my restaurant co-workers and the kitchen staff! Not to mention the awesome looks I got when paying for gas with a pile of dolla bills.

  12. OMG I am dying. I miss being in a kitchen- the ridiculousness can not be replicated in a cubicle pit. Plus Human Resources doesn't exist.

  13. you should work on your english.

    i am dead now from hilariousness.


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