Friday, August 9

make it rain

do you ever, like out of the blue, have some sort of epiphany (and yes i'm aware that's basically the definition of an epiphany but cut me some slack i had to work like a whole full week of work this week)?

well it happened this morning.  because it's payday friday and i did a fucking jig in my cube because i finally had money again and i didn't have to play bank account roulette anymore where you like go buy stuff and just hope to god that your check card isn't declined.  which then made me feel bad about myself because i was going to be semi-rich for like a hot minute before all my money went to all those stupid bills and then i would be back to playing bank account roulette again (which, FYI, is exhilarating but just ends up stressing me out).

so i said to myself "shan - maybe you should add up all the bills to just see where the fuck it's all going."  so i did.
each student loan payment, the obnoxious cable bill, the frivolous cell phone bill, the credit cards, etc.  and then i added up our paychecks.  and then i did some basic subtracting (and i did it twice because math is not my forte) and i couldn't help but sit there and be like "what.the.actual.shit."  and by that i mean there's money left over.  a substantial amount of money.  so why are we always broke?  and why are we always living pay check to pay check?  and why is that sometimes i have to float that rent check and then just hope the landlord doesn't cash it and then when he calls because it's late i just want to be like "DUDE WE'RE GOOD FOR IT RELAX. but please don't evict us."

because it's the story of our lives.  but then i got all wax poetic up in this joint and was like "NO - the buck stops here.  because i'm sick of being so, so terribly broke and can we just be only semi-broke?"  and for drama's sake can we imagine i'm like moses receiving the ten commandments from god on the top of mount sinai (only not really)?  
because we have actual real-life adult shit that we're going to have start paying for in the near future.

like some stupid wedding.  and also a car that wasn't manufactured in the early 90s.  and maybe someday really put our big girl panties (shitler too) and like buy a house or something.  and that shit is intimidating and probably is going to happen sooner than later so maybe it's time to make smarter financial decisions now.

so here.  here are some things i'm going to do/stop doing in order to try and not be broke.

1. not buy everything i want.
like hundreds of dollars worth of books.  or jewelry that i don't need because i'm already hoarding enough jewelry to stock a fucking claire's.  

2. drink at home (more).
the possibilities are endless for home-drinking.  i feel like i could get real fancy for less money and just get trashed-face at home.  PLUS home-drinking eliminates those DUIs, DWIs, OWIs and i hear those can get costly.

3. shop the bargains.
aldi's will become my new best friend and if isn't on sale then it doesn't get purchased.
4. start a savings account.
stick with me because this was hard to type without laughing because i feel like i've never had an actually successful savings account.  but it can't hurt to try?

5. get people to give me money (and have to do nothing in return).
i haven't thought this one all the way through yet.  give me some time.

but that's enough serious bullshit for one day (but also if you do want to just give me money and in exchange i'll do absolutely nothing just drop me an email).

oh ya - duh. #backthatazzup Friday!

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32 comments

  1. The savings account thing made me laugh a little, but only because I've been there.

    I discovered that the only way for it to work is for me to give Jason my extra money, then he hides it somewhere random. That way I can't just withdraw it and spend it on things like wine and YET ANOTHER FUCKING TERVIS TUMBLR.

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  2. I like #5. Like seriously like it.

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  3. Not buying every single book I want is the hardest thing I do when it comes to budgeting. There is a book I really really really want right now but it's $10 even on half.com. I'll have no choice to break down and buy it eventually but for now the internal struggle about spending the damn $10 continues.

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  4. connecting my credit card to my kindle account was the worst thing I have ever done. literally hundreds of dollars spent on books that I probably won't even read. Also, tell me more about number 5...

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    1. i haven't figured this part out yet.
      i mean it's at the top of my list and you'll be the first person i share my secrets with.

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  5. I was scrolling through me bloglovin feed and HAD to stop when I saw the Moses picture. Awesome.
    But yea, money sucks. One thing we MADE ourselves do was cook. It's really helped.
    And yes, when you figure out more details about #5 please share.

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  6. haha that picture made me laugh so hard thanks for that!!

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  7. I am really trying to be better about money too and it freaking sucks. i like buying stuff. but for realsies (don't you just hate that word) you could make money on some ad space, stop giving that sheet away. people love your blog and you have a lot of followers so charge these bitches...not me of course.

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  8. Shans. When I was trying to figure out how much of a car payment I could handle I was like HOLY SWEET JESUS I AM RICH. But holy sweet jesus I live in a perpetual state of near-homelessness. Or so I think. I don't get it, I do not.

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  9. hahah this is great! I am working on saving money too (as I purchased $105 worth of clothes over the phone this morning with my best friend) oopps. I am trying to be Credit Card debt free by october!! We can do this.. & that saving account one.. ya I laughed too since I instantly thought of mine & know i need to work on it. & girl i have so much jewelry & i NEVER wear any of it. Maybe a blog sale of it?? Happy Friday!

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  10. This happens to me every. single. month. when I assess my budget. (Yes, I'm a bit of a personal finance nerd.) The numbers always say I should have extra money, but I NEVER do. Never.
    Also, if you do figure out a way to get people to give you money for nothing, mind sharing???

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  11. I play bank account roulette every month and never had a successful savings account until I opened a money market account that my bank offers. It is the type of account that you can only put money in and cannot take out or transfer unless you go to the bank. I never want to drag my ass to the bank, so the money I put in there usually stays in there. Good luck!

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    1. ok. i'm for sure looking into this money market thing. i feel like any account don't have direct access to and can just forget about the better.

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  12. i am 100% in this with you. if i add up our checks and subtract our bills, we should have a shit ton of money left over. yet every pay period we end up with nothing in savings and i have no damn idea where it goes. IT'S SCARY!

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  13. Get your direct deposit check split between your checking and savings. That way its something automatic (like taxes) except you're paying yourself instead of the government!

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  14. Dude it doesn't ever get any better either...Whenever I get a raise I'm like yesssss I will put x amount every paycheck in savings...then I spend it.

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  15. I've just restarted (for the 5th time) having a savings and I'm trying damn hard not to just blow it all on shit that I wantt

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  16. here are some money saving tips that i used in the past:

    1) start a savings acct where you can't touch the money and start an automated withdrawl from your checking acct to that savings. i use INGDIRECT since it gives the most interest where as banks give the shittiest interest and fuck you with service fees etc.

    2) speaking of banks: if you can, switch to a bank that has no service fees. this means you'll have to do all of your banking online and there's like, three ATMs at the most scattered around but at least you aren't getting screwed by those ridic service fees and the inconvenience of those elusive ATMs will prevent you from taking out money.

    3) if you have credit card debt + student loans, go to the bank, consolidate all of your debt into one, get a line of credit, pay all that shit off with the LOC and then only pay the LOC. LOC interest rates are substantially lower than credit cards.

    4) make your lunch and bring it to work. a pain in the ass but seriously, saves major bucks per month. same goes for eating out/ordering in for dinner. reserve only friday or saturday nights for ordering in/eating out but doing that daily really adds up.

    5) all those coffees/breakfasts you grab on the go? make it at home an bring it with you. seriously, that shit adds up. see #4.

    6) if you have an issue with whipping out your credit/debit card, don't take your cards with you and *use cash only*. set a weekly cash limit for yourself and stick to that only. when you have to count the money that's leaving your pocket, you're more aware of how much you're spending and will actually think about what you're buying.

    7) coupon the shit out of everything. a chore but will save you $$ in the long run.

    8) stock up on sales. if you find yourself going through a lot of a certain something ie. toilet paper for shitler, stock up on that shit when it goes on sale. see #7 too.

    9) downgrade as much as possible. instead of buying books, go to the library. borrow from friends. if you have an ereader, there are other ways to get books instead of buying *looks around nervously* (email me about this one).

    if you have a cell plan that's costly, see what other carriers offer. you can often play them against each other by making up bullshit about leaving your current carrier and how another is offering you major discounts for the same package etc. the competition is fierce and companies dole out some major discounts to retain customers. the loyalty and retention agents have a lot of power when it comes to saving customers. a little secret from someone who works in the industry. you're welcome.

    10) wash dishes by hand instead of the dishwasher; install a timer for all lights to save on electricity, open windows instead of the AC and run a fan to circulate the air and keep your place cool.

    -kathy Vodka and Soda

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    1. Wow! Just creeping on comments and this one is awesome!!

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    2. ...can I email you about #9, too?

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    3. she left THE BEST COMMENT EVER.

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  17. I can't give up reading, books are my shit. So I started buying on sites that sell used books but they're still in awesome condition. Bought 13 books the other day and my total was 34 dollars. Boom.

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    1. also the library! you may have to wait a bit but its FREE (except when you think of the taxes you have to pay anyway :) )

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  18. We cancelled our cable (the plan was to leave it off temporarily, 2+ years later we no longer see a need for it) and signed up for Netflix and Hulu. So now we pay $16/month for TV. And we started packing our lunches. Easy shit, and it saved us a buttload of money. I've also gotten really good at pinning down grocery store sales, but my coupon-clipping skills could use some work.
    Let me know what figure out with #5, I'd like to get in on that :)

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    1. i'm such a cable whore! i just terrible trash on television all the time.
      i mean - i should be an adult about things and make some sacrifices...

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  19. i'm a landlady, and i hold checks for my renters all the time. mainly, cause i'm a softie, but also because i totally wish my mortgage company would do the same for me.

    good luck with your savings.

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  20. start my savings account for me, bitchhole!

    kloveyoubye.

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  21. The library is my jam. Also I use the notes app on iPhone and type in what's in my bank account at the top of a note. Every time I use my card I type the charge beneath it. Then every so often subtract all the charges from the total so you know how much you've got. I realize this is what a checkbook is supposed to be for but who uses that shit

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  22. I'll make it rain on you, ho. ;)

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  23. can you just take care of my finances for me? okay thanks.

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