Tuesday, August 20

the opposite of winning a car on the price is right

oh hey.
how are you kids doing today?
if you're me then you're mediocre.  why?
because this weekend shitler and i bought me a big girl car and now i have a big girl car payment.
so i'm in that mode where, while the new car is exciting, the impending dread of how even more broke i will be come october is setting in.  being an adult blows.
BUT - i figured i would tell you the tale of me and the new car and hopefully it will be advantageous to you in the future should you need to refer to how not to buy a car.

do fill out the credit application before your appointment at the car dealership.
do not forget your ID at work and have to have the CFO of the company come let you in on a saturday morning.

do take a xanax before sitting down in the finance office to finalize the deal (i didn't and it was terrible).
do not forget to deposit money into your account before said appointment and have to clarify that the check you are writing will not be cashed until monday.

do drink heavily after you've signed your entire life away on the dotted line (my friend forced moonshine on me).
do not get behind the wheel of your new car after drinking to the point that you don't feel feelings and forget how poor you are now (relax - i didn't.  i just think it's a good rule of thumb and shitler ended up chauffeuring my depressed self around).

those are really the only tips i have.  and they're not very good ones.  except for the xanax tip.
but really.  buying a car is a hellish fucking experience.
you're there for like seven hours just waiting for them to reveal how much more in debt you're going to be.
not to mention that the eternity they make you sit there waiting just makes you want to bolt at least six times throughout the process.

but with that being said it's nice to have a car that doesn't have a radiator leak (because it's real lame having to cart around a gallon of water and sometimes having to pull over on the side of the road to pour some in so that your car doesn't over heat).  and it is nice that all the windows roll down.  and it's also super nice that there aren't eight thousand holes in the exhaust system so people don't have to hear you coming from like three miles away.
not to mention i can't help but feel extra spoiled since this new car has air conditioning.

so without further adieu the new whip is a sassy ford escape i've name betty.  betty ford.
it's both presidential and also the name of a rehab facility.  which i may have to utilize after these car payments drive me to the brink of insanity.  don't worry - i'll check in on account of the "exhaustion" i'm sure to contract due to the fact that i'll have to be constantly working in order to afford her.

we're going to have to do that thing where we become adults and start making better money decisions.
shitler said we're going to cancel the cable and if i want to watch something then i can go watch my car.
we also probably will only have enough money for just one of us to eat.  i figured that one person can be shitler because if i'm not eating it would be beneficial for a wedding weight loss diet.  shitler also pointed out that if i became rail thin it would mean less weight in the car and therefore better gas mileage therefore more money savings.

like i said - being an adult blows.
but that was my whole weekend.  just non-stop betty ford action.
hell to the naw.
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  1. I like your new car! Mine wasn't stressful because it was the 2nd new car I bought so I had already been through it all.

  2. "if i want to watch something then i can go watch my car." Yuuup. At least Betty is really, really pretty!!

  3. ahhhh Betty is a sassy little bitch! I like her! Big girl car payment suck though, I feel ya!

  4. Being an adult totally blows! The comments crack me up...watch your car and the better gas mileage? Goodness!

  5. congrats on the new car! i get my BIL to negotiate for me (he's VP of sales at his work) he and pretty much beat the guy down to a point that he wasn't even making any money off the sale!

    Vodka and Soda

  6. I love Betty Ford! Her and Stefon H. Civic can be best friends. Best fucking expensive friends.

    I am sacrificing hair cuts and colors during these first few car payments. I look like a fucking treasure troll right now. WORTH IT? Unclear.

  7. I read a not so nice story about winning shit on the Price Is Right after my Twitter suggestion, now I'm thinking you were better off buying anyway.

  8. I have car envy! But not payment envy.

  9. I'm currently working on getting me a pretty little GMC Terrain, so I know this paint.

    But like you, one of my windows doesn't roll down, there are cigarette burns all around my sunroof (from college roommates), the dash is cracked into a thousand pieces, the paint is flaking and rusting off of the outside, the air works but you can hear the belt moving and tell that it's about to snap, and it's just generally an all around piece of crap.

    Piece of crap that's paid off and has no mechanical problems, though. I feel guilty.

    Also, I don't have cable, but we watch Hulu through our Xbox for $8 a month and it's pretty decent.

  10. Your new rig is a beaut! And why, WHY do they make you sit there waiting so long at the car place? Pretty sure it's just so you're more likely to crack and take a higher price

  11. Welcome to car payment hell.



  12. Fuck car dealerships. Before you know it 6 hours roll by and you're like can someone feed my fat ass since we just skipped dinner. That's why last time I took snacks and a book, cause I'm a smart bitch

  13. the payments may suck, but just think in a year or so you'll have ya some good credit and then maybe can say sayonara to your landlord ;)

  14. Car payments suck. I am in the fix for a new car soon and I am dreading it but i am also damn tired of driving my beat up POS.

  15. Betty Ford is pretty kick ass, but I know the feeling of hating being an adult. Car payments blow.

  16. i drank real heavily after buying my first big girl too, but dont worry...eventually you will pay it off and at that point you will need a new car. at least that's how my life works

  17. MY CAR'S NAME IS BETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yours is prettier though. Have fun at the wedding! I miss you already!


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