Friday, January 31

something to add to shitler's resume

FIRST - the blog got a makeover.  she deserved it.  she puts up with so much of my bullshit that every now and then she needs some pampering.  natalie from revel & design has some of the loveliest templates around and she did the damn thing for me and now the blog is
B-E-A-UTIFUL.  now that she wasn't before.  but you get it.

so anyway.  i have a semi-long thing to explain to you to get you to an exciting reveal.
just hunker down and enjoy it.  or else.

so i don't know how people who don't have the average 9-5 jobs do it.
like i know that's a kind of an insane thing to say because people are always like "ZOMG i wish i didn't have a 9-5 job" but your 9-5 enables you to know that you're getting a set paycheck on whatever pay schedule you're on.  i have to give major ups to people that are able to function with serving jobs or other jobs that don't guarantee a set amount of money at any given time.  i would lose my ever-loving shit having to constantly worry about how much i was or wasn't going to get the next time i worked.

which leads me to my point.  and there is one and it's not all that important.
because shitler is a sub-contractor or a contractor or something like that.  back in the day he worked for a small home building company and then made the jump to flipping houses with a friend of his.  the agreement was that shitler would be paid a certain amount of money twice a month and once a house sold he would get a bonus (which hallelujah for the bonuses because they paid for a majority of our mexican wedding).  BUT the deal existed based on whether or not shitler was working on a house.  so for the last two months there have been no houses.  so there has been no money.  and shitler has filled his schedule with side jobs and whatnot in order to offset the fact that the set amount of money that we're used to having come in isn't coming in.  which blows.  so it's been touch and go on what amounts of money we have which forces me to have to actually work my scheduled shifts at the restaurant which i routinely try to get out of because of my inherent laziness.

so to make a long story short shitler called me the other day to let me know that the condo deal they were looking into is actually going to be a reality.  which means a two year commitment for shitler which means two years of knowing exactly how much money we will have coming in which is an overall win.  but it gets better.  because shitler is expected to do everything that needs to be done.  so over-hauling units, fixing odds and ends, etc.  and apparently there's some law in wisconsin that reads along the lines of if there's a public pool accessible to people that there needs to be a person that is certified, on hand, to take care of.  which means that that person would be shitler.  which means he would have to take a course and become certified in pool things.  which means, wait for it, THAT SHITLER WILL BE A POOL BOY.

i am legit dying over this.  like loving every minute.  like already shopping for speedos because i'm convinced that that's the official attire of any and all pool boys.  and shitler is all "i think you're confusing me cabana boy" and i'm like "WHATEVER THEY'RE ONE IN THE SAME.  WHAT COLOR SPEEDO DO YOU PREFER?"  

so really you guys.  this is the best news ever.
because everyone wins because how would condo owners not want to see some hairy beast shocking their pool in a brightly colored speedo?

so his hairiness will look something like this but instead of those shorts he'll be donning a speedo.  
preferably something obnoxious.  just like him.

and also if you need me i'll be belting out this song on repeat in my office cube because i can't stop and i won't stop.  whitney gets it.  the can't stopping and the won't stopping mainly.  probably also the elton.

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  1. OMFG. I want to move there just so I can admire him in his Speedo. Send me the address STAT.

  2. love it and love you! so glad you love it :)

  3. Love the makeover! OMG Shitler as a pool boy! I die.

  4. Pretty 'new' blog! Ohhhh Shitler the pool boy. I think he should at least show up in the Speedo the first day. You can never make a first impression again (or something like that. I don't remember the actual phrase).

  5. work is one hell of a rollercoaster if you DON'T have a 9-5. I work 12 hour shifts [I know, idk how the fuck I do it either] but because of that my hours add up quick and then I have like 5 days in a row off. So win.
    also, I think shitler's speedo should be hot pink. Because duh.

  6. hahahaha! I vote for one with grapes where the balls are. Because let's have more fun with this.

    I am the steady check in our house. MFD is a realtor and gets paid when the deal is done. Budgeting creatively is one of my mad skills.

  7. This is absolutely amazing! Does this also mean you get access to said pool for summer, because if so, that would make it that much more amazing!!!!!

  8. This might be the best news ever. Do you get to hang out by said pool and have him bring you drinks? CAN YOU PLEASE DO THAT?

    also I dated a pool guy once. quite knowledgeable, those ones...


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