Friday, December 28

seriously, grandpa?

after seventy-two hours of attempting to cleanse my system of all alcohol and terribly ass-fattening food i've managed to come through the haze of all things holiday related relatively unscathed.
was that a run-on sentence?
did said run-on sentence even make sense?
probably not.

i have literally one thousand pictures to go through, multiple bottles of wine to drink, and leftover christmas cookies littering my table just begging to be ingested.
and in the midst of all this i discovered that i had taken notes on christmas day.
and thank god because there was no way that i could have remembered the 
ridiculous shit that was said during my holiday wine binge.

i'm sure every family has the resident lovable whack-job.
and getting everyone together for the holidays probably brings out the worst best in said whack-jobs.

enter my grandpa bob.
please enjoy a few snippets of his ramblings during xmas.

"always check for the adam's apple."
     - in regards to the cross-dressing hair-stylist that cut my uncle jeff's hair once.
"it would look like a corn cob from behind."
     - in regards to a part of the male anatomy.
"cody bleaches his dick."
     - uhhh, self-explanatory.
" you haven't been keeping those cough drops by your squirt gun, have you?"
     - in regards to bob's concern over where shitler kept his cough drops.
"it's like a sprocket on his testes."
     - i don't even know what this is in regards to.
     - in regards to how my grandpa lives his life.

happy holidays?

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  1. Your grandpa sounds awesome. Can I borrow him? Mine is no fun and hates me :/

  2. Dude. You grandpa sounds like a legitimately bad ass mofo. You are lucky. Like seriously!

  3. LMAO!!!
    Reminds me of my grandpa when he said this about my grandma...
    A lady in the street but a freak in the Espanol of course.

  4. Check my blog hoe bag.


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