Friday, April 5

a high five 4 friday to your ass - also known as a spanking

i'm not working this weekend.
so you know what that means?  heading northward and binge drinking.
i've never been more excited to high five things or back dat azz up.  #realtalk

1.  guess what?  i'm obsessed with baby e.  i will yell it from the rooftops and i don't care who knows it.  is it weird that she's not mine and i love her this much?  weird or not - it's the damn truth.  and can you even blame me!?

2. why do pictures of animals that look like they're up in the club getting tipsy crack me up so much?  could it be that i have the maturity and sense of humor of someone that isn't an adult?  probably.

3. also my freak dog who does this like, easily, every single morning.  and if i let him he enjoys drinking from the sink.  but i can't allow that in front of shitler.  
because then he just gets all up in arms and starts reprimanding me.  #lame

4.  so i forgot the best news of the week.  like the great news of not working this weekend was one thing but shitler's new gun day is easily the best news of the week.  shitler's concealed carry license = new gun for shitler.  i'm sure that you're wondering why this is such fantastic news.  strap in - because i'm about to lay it on the line for you and why it's so amazing for me.  concealed carry comes with rules.  if you're carrying it means you can't drink.  so from here on out i'm going to insist that every place we go that offers alcohol is probably the most dangerous place on earth and that shitler should definitely carry BECAUSE WE'RE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED AND HE NEEDS TO PROTECT ME and then i can get my drink on and have an automatic designated driver/chauffeur.  you can for sure leave me a comment telling me how smart i am.

5. my jam.  like all day, errrr day.  like way too legit to quit.  i just blast it and whip my hair back and forth.
so go forth and buy.  or download illegally.  i really don't care.

also.  i need a soldier.  #backdatazzup

p.s. can we give it up for weezy pre-sizzurp.
p.p.s. and can we also give it up for the crenshaw shout-out.  mainly because i love bring it on.

happy weekending ya'all.
have at least four drinks
and one shot in my honor.

Gin and Bare It


  1. wow, he would actually carry a gun? no one i know has a gun and i've only see one real gun in my life!

    and baby e is so cute!

    1. i really like guns.
      they're just so fantastic.

      and yes - he will carry.
      and he's just adding this gun to the collection of guns he already has.

  2. I think Destiny's child was just on everyones mind today :)

  3. You are so smart.
    And I'm jamming out. Obviously.

  4. I just found your blog through Back That Azz Up, and girl... I am obsessed.
    You are HI.LARIOUS and this is without a doubt my favorite track today.
    And you are totally a genius for the conceal and carry trick. He needs to protect you, DUH!
    Excuse me while I read your entire blog like a creep.

  5. haha! love the pet getting tipsy pic. I try and get my dog to drink some of my red wine with me right now. Only problem is it's probably some sort of cruelty, he actually never drinks it, I only keep doing it because he sneezes once he sniffs it every time. It's hilarious!
    New GFC follower!

    1. thanks chick!
      i like to get my dogs drunk on beer.
      does that make me a bad mom?

  6. binge drinking and beyonce (or destiny's child, whatever) sign me up

  7. Genius. Hand over the keys and start shot gunning (pun intended, naturally)

  8. Go home, cat. YOU ARE DRUNK.

    Don't shoot me.

  9. Bahaha. High five to your ass. Best excuse ever to surprise slap the shit out of an unsuspecting friend's ass. Love it.

  10. Bill wants a gun. Maybe those two can go on dates... and drive us haggard bitches around town.... while we get piss faced drunk.


    ps. jurassic park was on today...

    pss. jeff was in it...

    ppsss... he said he wants your hot body.

    ppppppppppppppppppsssssssss. I LOVE YOU!


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