Tuesday, April 30

take me out to the ballpark and make me drink responsibly

once upon a time a friend's dad gave shannon excellent tickets to the brewer game.
shannon went early to the game with friends to tailgate and partake in general merriment in preparation for shitler's late arrival.  

things got out of hand.  
shannon was over-served (by herself, mind you) and things quickly took a turn for the worse.

shannon lost her friends.  and then lost her money.
when shitler finally discovered her she was on level black-out, ghost-faced wasted.
in an attempt to sober her up he fed her expensive miller park chicken fingers only to have her throw those up in a miller park trash can.

shitler, having never had tickets so close to the field, was less than thrilled.
having located one of shannon's friends - shitler ushered the drunks to the car and drove them home having never even sat in his nice seat in the ballpark.

moral of the story: shannon can't be left alone to her own devices when drinking at miller park.
the fallout: shitler didn't talk to shannon for at least two days.  it was declared that shannon had ruined his chance to sit as close to the field as he had ever been before.
the longevity: shitler has never let shannon live it down.  even going so far as to sometimes nonchalantly bring it up like "oh hey, remember that time you got so drunk you could barely walk and ruined that brewers game for me?  ya.  i remember that.  thanks."

after many apologies, though they fell on deaf ears, both parties moved on.
until this last week when shitler arrived home, wagging his tail like an excited puppy whose owners have just arrived home with treats aplenty.  he declared "GREAT NEWS.  justin scored some season tickets for the next game!  even better - they're only $75 a piece!"  shannon, having just recovered from the instant heart attack that the price of those tickets had inflicted on her, immediately vetoed the entire idea.  until shitler was all "really?  REALLY?  no bitch - you owe me."  and then shannon reluctantly agreed and then professed that they were now even and he could no longer lord that miller park drunk incident over her head.

so they went to the game.  and shitler was close to the field and he was happy.

so he loved it.  and now we're even.  which i secretly think he hates.

p.s. shannon found her money from the first drunken brewers incident.  shannon had stuffed it in her bra declaring that to be the safest of places for it but then quickly forgot that in her drunken stupor.  it was later discovered when she drunkenly undressed and made the glorious find.

Gin and Bare It


  1. This makes me so happy. Way to do the right thing. I saw you instagramming last night, I know you didn't hate it.

  2. I would honestly have to say that this was the best post from you yet to come. Keep em coming. Because now I have a huge stitch in my side and stomach from the laughter.

  3. that is pretty much how all sporting events go for me...

  4. is tom high-fiving in that picture or caressing that strangers hand....I'm uncomfortable.

    1. i'll let you be the judge of that.
      like a choose your own ending.

  5. Hahaha "no bitch, you owe me" yes, yes that is true. You did owe him. I'm glad you held it together this last time.

  6. This post is one of my favorite posts ever written by anyone.

    Thanks for this.

  7. This post is hilarious and I am now officially stalking you. I mean following you. Who said anything about stalking? Not me....

  8. Hahahahaha. Oh shit, woman. You can't be even though. You can never be even.

    Also, on my 30th I stuffed $$ in my bra and LOST IT. Which I discovered when we were driving through taco bell because I was starving.

  9. hahahah
    the shit we do!! & yes $$ is always safest in the bra!! :) Now your even but that doesn't mean you can come to Padres game & experience the greatness....:)))

  10. ugh, peppermint schnapps will do it for me every time!

    1. skjdhg;akjsdngajskdn ugh. the schnapps. we have a love/hate relationship.

  11. Hahhaa

    "shannon was over-served (by herself, mind you) "

    I feel like this should be on my tombstone. Except Staci in the place of Shannon, obviously.

  12. I always stuff money in my bra and it makes me crazy happy when it falls out!

  13. This is precisely the sort of drunken revelry tale I've been needing in my life. :)

  14. i think i need to go to a baseball game with you, glad this story has a happy ending

  15. I don't think I love anything more than this story. I want you to read it to me before bed.
    This sounds similar to the time I got wasted on margaritas at bush stadium with G's parents. I too puke in a trash can. Luckily we had really shitty seats.


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