Wednesday, April 17

i like your horn.

do you ever have such bad writer's block that the only thing you can think of to write about is rhinos?
and you're mainly only writing about rhinos because you just bought a rhino figurine completely covered in some sort of string from target?

i think he'll go great next to lord hairless.
now i just need to name him.

my choices so far are:
danny zuko
charlton heston

let me know what you think.

instead of attempting to write anything of substance i've just been googling rhino facts.
so here are some rhino facts.  and a little side note from yours truly.

1. rhinos make their own sunblock by wallowing in mud and letting it dry.  the dried mud also protects them from some blood sucking insects.
ok - i'm super good at wallowing.  and i also hate showering and blood sucking insects.  so i think wallowing in mud like a rhino would be perfect for me.

2. rhinos are critially endangered due to poaching.  their horns are used to make ceremonial dagger handles in the middle east.
i don't like poaching.  but i do love me a good ceremonial dagger.

3. black rhinos run on their toes and have poor eyesight.
is anyone else picturing a giant rhino running on its tippy toes and squealing "TEEHEE TEEHEE" until it rams into a tree because it didn't even see it coming? 

4. rhinos have lived on earth for fifty million years.
rhinos are fucking old.

5. the black rhino's upper lip can not only pick a small leaf from a twig but can open gates and car doors.
good luck hiding in your car when you're trying to hide from a rhino.

and just so we're clear - no, the rhino is not my favorite animal.
but they didn't have any otters covered in string at target.  i assume they were fresh out.
i totally did my fourth grade animal report on the river otter.  and yes - at the zoo i could stare at the otters doing their repetitive loop for hours.  but that's neither here nor there.

BUT - since this post is my second awful post in the same week i figured that you could at least go away from this having learned something new about rhinos.  but in the event that you already knew everything there was to know about rhinos then at least you're aware that my favorite animal is the otter and that if you see any otter figurines you should probably buy them for me.

P.S.  i've decided on wachootoo for his name.  and if you don't the significance then i don't think we can be friends.  kidding.  of course we can still be friends.  i don't have a lot.  so beggars can't be choosers and all that jazz.

Gin and Bare It


  1. liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike a GLOVE!!!!

    ps.. it gets kinda hot in these rhinooooooooooosssssssss.

    pss... i was gonna say wachootoo. only because jim carrey is my bitch.

  2. I was going to pick Wachootoo and then you go and choose it anyway.
    In my head, you're a black rhino. All tiptoed and covered in mud, squealing and running into things. Yep.

  3. the thing is...i love this post. wachootoo works for me.

  4. True story: I wanted the giraffe so badly but I am not allowed to buy anymore animal friends for decor.

    True story: I did my 5th grade animal report on sea otters. CLOSE.

    True story: bumblebee tuna, your balls are showing.

  5. You always buy the most random things and I feel like it's probably one of the most endearing things about you. I think it's also called hoarding, but whatever works. AND CAN WE SIT IN BED AND WATCH ACE VENTURA ALL DAY PLEASE?!

  6. Did you also know that RHINOplasty was named after the beloved rhino and his exquisite horn?

    I made that up, by the way.

  7. You are hilarious. And rhinos rock. I loved this.

    1. i feel like rhinos really don't get the attention they deserve.

  8. Rockin' post. My brain usually goes to goats. But then, I don't have any goats covered in string.

  9. Why are you soo funny? I am obsessed with this post.
    I was so ready to scream Wachootoo in this comment, so I am glad you came to the same conclusion.
    I am going to start wallowing instead of showering. It starts today.

  10. I was going to vote Wachootoo simply because it seems fun to say. Hate me later... what's the significance?


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