yesterday was one of those days where i felt the need to rage in straight godzilla-destruction mode.
there wasn't any particular reason for it.
but i was in one of those "i'm in limbo" moods.
the kind where you're not unhappy but you're certainly not happy.
you're not tragically upset about anything in particular but you're almost dangerously indifferent to the point where the most unassuming thing could set you off and then all hell will break loose.
and frankly nothing snapped me out of it.
i just floated through the day teetering on the edge of a menacing apocalypse.
so i came up with some general advice for interacting with me:
do not ask me stupid questions.
do send me funny cat pictures.
do not leave me goddamn voicemails.
do text me inappropriate things littered with profanity.
do not forego deodorant.
do bring me pickles as a peace offering if you've angered me.
do not not anger me.
do bring me pickles anyway.
do not ask me if i want to get drunk (that's a stupid question).
do not think i give any fucks about anything you're trying to tell me (unless it's about funny cats, booze, or pickles because then i'm all ears).
do make smacking me on the ass a top priority.
do not put olives on your fingers and chase me around.
do watch the video below.
are we clear?
because i won't hesitate to come
at you like a spider monkey.